love letter to my teenage self
february 14, 2014
for christmas, my mother gave me a copy of allie brosch's hyperbole and a half, which includes an entry in which brosch writes letters to her younger self, at different ages. i like this idea, and have come across different facebook posts that encourage the same activity. so, in honor of valentine's day, here's the love letter i would send to my teenage self.
dear kiki,
you've entered into a time when you are becoming more aware of your body, though i know you often feel like you have little control over the hormones raging inside of it. you're also discovering the complicated world of what it means to have a crush. i am proud of you for the times you will risk embarrassment to admit how you feel, because as you get older, you'll reaffirm the importance of letting people know you care about them. there are probably a few guys in your school who have secret crushes on you, and regardless of whether or not feelings would be reciprocated, know that there are always people around you who recognize what a beautiful, intelligent, kind person you are. you will learn to appreciate the many forms of love in your life, and realize that they more than compensate for the pressure you feel to be in a relationship.
always remember how your father left you valentines on the kitchen table when you were little. he was a good example of what a grown up could be. so is your mother, though she's said some things that have left tiny scars on your delicate ego already. they are both doing the best that they can, and they love you and your sisters more than words can describe. you'll have the pleasure of becoming closer to both of them as they begin to see that you are no longer a child. enjoy your time with them and the rest of your family. they are all wonderful people in their own ways, and they have a lot of insight to offer you. plus you all have a good laugh when you get together, and that laughter is good medicine.
i wish i could tell you that romance will get easier. it will eventually, but you will have to learn how to love yourself properly before you are ready for anything with much substance. but enjoy experimenting, enjoy your body and the sensations it provides. it's alright that you feel a little bitter about valentine's day, because it's just a reflection of your awareness over the myths about love perpetuated for the sake of marketing and consumerism. it'll take some time to recover from the messages society tells you of your worth and beauty, but after you have embraced your power as a woman, a deep and ponderous human being full of love and joy, then you will have an easier time connecting with men who are capable of reciprocating what you have to offer. don't ever feel like your standards are too high. your ideas of what you want will evolve, regarding romance and life in general--and you will only become more and more confident and secure with you are, which is a feat considering how miserable you will also allow yourself to feel for a spell. keep using music, writing, and art to bear your soul and let out those feels. what you are able to overcome will come in handy later as you prepare to help others through their own struggles.
the older you get, the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin. don't worry about where you're supposed to be in four, five, or ten years. go where your passions lead you, and never let the fact that you aren't rich prevent you from taking advantage of opportunities. for travel, for school, for the local farmer's market.
listen to the goodness inside you, not the negativity. pay attention to your intuition; don't just dismiss a feeling you have, even if it's subtle or soft. listen to yourself. you know yourself better than anyone else, and your understanding of what you want and need can't be compromised to appease or satisfy someone else's expectations.
never stop learning. i don't have to tell you this, because you're a natural student and you will not lose your love of knowledge.
don't beat yourself up for feeling pain. it's just as beautiful as everything else. let it out in tears, then in poetry and song or art or conversation. but let it out. and remember that it does not last forever. hurt fades and is replaced by a stronger sense of self. use that to continue understanding who you are.
take care of yourself. this is a challenge because you've already started smoking. but you will learn to eat healthier once you reach your twenties, and you'll gain a lot of friends who like to grow food. you'll also come to appreciate sweating more, and you should never turn down the opportunity to dance. do it alone in your living room and with friends.
invest in a good water filtration system. i'm still working on getting one here.
i'm not going to lie--there's some hard stuff ahead. but you'll be alright. you always are. and you will see the reflections of your soul and joy in the faces of the friends and family who will embrace you continuously down the road. keep singing. keep trying. keep dreaming. keep loving.
never be afraid to take a risk because there is the possibility of being hurt or disappointed.
never pass up the chance to skinnydip.
buy a good sleeping bag.
stop drinking milk.
you are beautiful--don't ever doubt it. you are brilliant. you are a goddess. the sooner you learn to wield your power, the easier it will be to combat any obstacle that attempts to slow you down.
i love you.
for christmas, my mother gave me a copy of allie brosch's hyperbole and a half, which includes an entry in which brosch writes letters to her younger self, at different ages. i like this idea, and have come across different facebook posts that encourage the same activity. so, in honor of valentine's day, here's the love letter i would send to my teenage self.
dear kiki,
you've entered into a time when you are becoming more aware of your body, though i know you often feel like you have little control over the hormones raging inside of it. you're also discovering the complicated world of what it means to have a crush. i am proud of you for the times you will risk embarrassment to admit how you feel, because as you get older, you'll reaffirm the importance of letting people know you care about them. there are probably a few guys in your school who have secret crushes on you, and regardless of whether or not feelings would be reciprocated, know that there are always people around you who recognize what a beautiful, intelligent, kind person you are. you will learn to appreciate the many forms of love in your life, and realize that they more than compensate for the pressure you feel to be in a relationship.
always remember how your father left you valentines on the kitchen table when you were little. he was a good example of what a grown up could be. so is your mother, though she's said some things that have left tiny scars on your delicate ego already. they are both doing the best that they can, and they love you and your sisters more than words can describe. you'll have the pleasure of becoming closer to both of them as they begin to see that you are no longer a child. enjoy your time with them and the rest of your family. they are all wonderful people in their own ways, and they have a lot of insight to offer you. plus you all have a good laugh when you get together, and that laughter is good medicine.
i wish i could tell you that romance will get easier. it will eventually, but you will have to learn how to love yourself properly before you are ready for anything with much substance. but enjoy experimenting, enjoy your body and the sensations it provides. it's alright that you feel a little bitter about valentine's day, because it's just a reflection of your awareness over the myths about love perpetuated for the sake of marketing and consumerism. it'll take some time to recover from the messages society tells you of your worth and beauty, but after you have embraced your power as a woman, a deep and ponderous human being full of love and joy, then you will have an easier time connecting with men who are capable of reciprocating what you have to offer. don't ever feel like your standards are too high. your ideas of what you want will evolve, regarding romance and life in general--and you will only become more and more confident and secure with you are, which is a feat considering how miserable you will also allow yourself to feel for a spell. keep using music, writing, and art to bear your soul and let out those feels. what you are able to overcome will come in handy later as you prepare to help others through their own struggles.
the older you get, the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin. don't worry about where you're supposed to be in four, five, or ten years. go where your passions lead you, and never let the fact that you aren't rich prevent you from taking advantage of opportunities. for travel, for school, for the local farmer's market.
listen to the goodness inside you, not the negativity. pay attention to your intuition; don't just dismiss a feeling you have, even if it's subtle or soft. listen to yourself. you know yourself better than anyone else, and your understanding of what you want and need can't be compromised to appease or satisfy someone else's expectations.
never stop learning. i don't have to tell you this, because you're a natural student and you will not lose your love of knowledge.
don't beat yourself up for feeling pain. it's just as beautiful as everything else. let it out in tears, then in poetry and song or art or conversation. but let it out. and remember that it does not last forever. hurt fades and is replaced by a stronger sense of self. use that to continue understanding who you are.
take care of yourself. this is a challenge because you've already started smoking. but you will learn to eat healthier once you reach your twenties, and you'll gain a lot of friends who like to grow food. you'll also come to appreciate sweating more, and you should never turn down the opportunity to dance. do it alone in your living room and with friends.
invest in a good water filtration system. i'm still working on getting one here.
i'm not going to lie--there's some hard stuff ahead. but you'll be alright. you always are. and you will see the reflections of your soul and joy in the faces of the friends and family who will embrace you continuously down the road. keep singing. keep trying. keep dreaming. keep loving.
never be afraid to take a risk because there is the possibility of being hurt or disappointed.
never pass up the chance to skinnydip.
buy a good sleeping bag.
stop drinking milk.
you are beautiful--don't ever doubt it. you are brilliant. you are a goddess. the sooner you learn to wield your power, the easier it will be to combat any obstacle that attempts to slow you down.
i love you.
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