what kiki denotes
the last post i read before closing facebook tonight asked how i would define myself. it accompanied a picture with a game based on the spelling of a name, so i looked over the descriptions accompanying each of the letters in "angeliki," chuckled at some of them, then started to think more about how i have and do define myself. it's one of those things i don't bother doing because i realize that i am still evolving. but i have said that there are certain characteristics that have remained an essential or core part of my kiki-ness. i am tempted to start a list, but it would only make me look more narcissistic than i already do...aw, fuck it.
compassionate
creative
contemplative
alright, that's a short enough list. i don't know why they all start with "c". i guess i could've put "artistic" instead of creative, but sometimes i don't know about the connotations that go along with "artist." my arms and toes are starting to get cold, and i am afraid i'll get swallowed into typing for another hour.
anyway, if i were to consider the order those characteristics developed, creativity would've been first. contemplation became a regular part of my adolescence, and i include daydreaming in this category as well. my compassion for others was always there, but i didn't realize what it was until i was older. i know it was there because i hated seeing other people get hurt, and felt unforgivable when i was the person who'd hurt someone else. but it wasn't until i was in college that my desire to work helping others became clearer. i knew i had an ability, but i was skeptical about the benefits of attempting to help a diseased world.
i don't want to ramble on about that, though. i think the reason i'm feeling particularly elated tonight is because i felt so comfortable on the very first night of my techniques class. i know there will be challenges. and i know that there will be behaviors i need to modify within the context of a therapeutic session. but i could feel how nervous so many people were, and despite the recording, and self-evaluation, and potential for humiliations galore, i am so excited to be getting a little closer to being able to actually sit down with clients. it's something i know i can do. will it make me rich? no. will it mean all sorts of glory? not necessarily. but i'll be making an honest effort to help people through one of the best ways i know how to--by talking with them and listening to them. i know that my clients will provide me with stories i can't imagine. with complexities i can't fathom. with struggles i will never know. but i understand the process of intentional change. and i am proof that someone can reprogram themselves, and take over authorship for her story.
compassionate
creative
contemplative
alright, that's a short enough list. i don't know why they all start with "c". i guess i could've put "artistic" instead of creative, but sometimes i don't know about the connotations that go along with "artist." my arms and toes are starting to get cold, and i am afraid i'll get swallowed into typing for another hour.
anyway, if i were to consider the order those characteristics developed, creativity would've been first. contemplation became a regular part of my adolescence, and i include daydreaming in this category as well. my compassion for others was always there, but i didn't realize what it was until i was older. i know it was there because i hated seeing other people get hurt, and felt unforgivable when i was the person who'd hurt someone else. but it wasn't until i was in college that my desire to work helping others became clearer. i knew i had an ability, but i was skeptical about the benefits of attempting to help a diseased world.
i don't want to ramble on about that, though. i think the reason i'm feeling particularly elated tonight is because i felt so comfortable on the very first night of my techniques class. i know there will be challenges. and i know that there will be behaviors i need to modify within the context of a therapeutic session. but i could feel how nervous so many people were, and despite the recording, and self-evaluation, and potential for humiliations galore, i am so excited to be getting a little closer to being able to actually sit down with clients. it's something i know i can do. will it make me rich? no. will it mean all sorts of glory? not necessarily. but i'll be making an honest effort to help people through one of the best ways i know how to--by talking with them and listening to them. i know that my clients will provide me with stories i can't imagine. with complexities i can't fathom. with struggles i will never know. but i understand the process of intentional change. and i am proof that someone can reprogram themselves, and take over authorship for her story.
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