it will be okay

today is one of those days. i can identify the stressors weighing me down. i still feel guilty resting. i feel i'm letting another perfectly pleasant day slip by, while i lie on the couch.

i took the first dose of my medicine today. 29 more days, and then i'll still have this disease for the rest of my life. from a bug. and i don't even spend much time outdoors.

i'm just feeling drained in general. i could have gotten dressed, gone with jeff, had free lunch, gotten out, gone to the gibsons'. but i'm tired, and the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow makes me want to enjoy as much time alone, resting as i can today.

i was just telling a client about guilt being the most unproductive emotion. and yet i am here feeling guilty for how i spend my own time. feeling guilty for not feeling more social. but yesterday did wipe me out. the past week, month, year has, and i don't need to apologize or feel badly about not being 100%. i'm not. i've been battling a host of threats to my well-being, grieving my grandmother's death, and trying to deal with all the usual financial, work, and existential stress in addition.

tomorrow is another day. i'll do my job as best i can. i'll learn. i'll listen. i'll co.e home and rest again. there is no sense pushing myself so hard that i collapse. some people can push and push, until they get sick and are forced to slow down. i've been trying to better listen to my body when it says to slow down and breathe. i suppose i fear my depression acting up, taking hold when i'm more vulnerable. but again i know everything is temporary.

my worth is not dependent on how much i do. and the people who love me will respect that i'm taking care of myself.