Parents and Unicorns
Parents and Unicorns
Parenting is one of the most significant jobs on our planet. There are plenty of crappy parents out there, so I've always felt grateful for mine. I had two good people, who embody many of the values I strive to emulate in my own daily life. Since parenting is such a serious responsibility, one of the comments that always comes up with it is why people don't have to get a license to have a child (or two, or six). But with this thought, my brain immediately starts to break down the question, its implications. Why is parenting such an important job? What training do people get, aside from instinct, for the task of caring for the growth and development of a human child? What assurance can we have that anyone will rise to the challenges that parenting presents? How do the roles of parenting change as we age? Is parenting really a job that everyone should take? And since I'm at it, how does abortion figure into planned parenthood? How do people deal with unplanned parenthood?
But first I want to talk a little more about my own parents.
My parents are products of a generation that spent their baby years at the tail end of the fifties, childhoods in the sixties, their adolescence in the seventies, and their adulthood continued into the eighties. As with any generation, there were plenty of examples of how they rebelled against the models presented to them by their parents' social perspectives. The sixties was a time of growth and exploration, a necessary step in our country's history, whose effects bled into every layer of the social structure. The Civil Rights movement not only helped to move forward the collective attitude toward what equality meant, but also forced people to reconsider the principles this country, with all of its opportunities, had to offer them in their pursuits toward happiness.
My parents had the pleasure of enjoying the music, philosophy, media, science, and fashion that boldly defied the reserved conformity popular after the second world war. Nola and Bill understood the importance of intelligence, creativity, and independence. This meant that my, as well as my sisters', education, artistic expression, and autonomy were always nourished. Of course, beneath those things, my parents also knew how important it was to be loved. Their parents, my grandparents, raised their kids in a very different time with very rigid views of how to raise children. There was a shift from autocratic to authoritative--and there were many folks in my parents' generation who adopted the parent-but-friend approach to raising their kids. Regardless, I was lucky to have two parents who knew how to make sure I felt loved. Even during the difficulties they dealt with in their marriage, I never felt like I had done anything to contribute to my parents' divorce. My parents both made it clear to me that happiness was important. Their spiritual beliefs lent to their perspective on what happiness was, though their individual efforts to attain it obviously became more complex once they took on the responsibility of raising three daughters. But they succeeded in as much as producing three smart, talented, and independent young women, who, if you ask anyone, are all pretty awesome people.
Both my parents supported any exposure to the arts. I got to dance, since, play, imagine my little heart out growing up. Some of my first experiences with recording were when I played with the toys at my grandmother's house, and made up songs about whatever I happened to be into at that moment. I remember singing about stars and unicorns. I'm sure it had something to do with Rainbow Brite's influence on me (I had a yellow cassette tape with a bunch of Rainbow Brite songs on it--I still remember a lot of the lyrics). Once I was able to better handle a crayon, I would draw a creature that was a combination of a unicorn and a pegasus. It seemed silly to me that these two things were separate entities. Why wouldn't a magical horse have a horn AND wings?
Now to answer some of my own questions. Why is parenting such an important job? What training do people get, aside from instinct, for the task of caring for the growth and development of a human child? What assurance can we have that anyone will rise to the challenges that parenting presents? How do the roles of parenting change as we age? Is parenting really a job that everyone should take? And since I'm at it, how does abortion figure into planned parenthood? How do people deal with unplanned parenthood?
These answers might seem obvious. But I'm hoping there's some un-obvious stuff that comes out of rambling on about it. Parenting is an important job because it helps to create the next generation, who will eventually be running this country, and ultimately effecting the global community. Imagine how terrifying it must be to be a parent, releasing his or her child into the world. A world with possibilities, dangers, and few guarantees. Have they prepared them? Have they provided them with the ambition necessary to survive? With the skills necessary to care for oneself? Is the kid gonna make it?
I have to take a tangent into the subject of parents who don't rise to the challenge. I know they exist because I worked at a group home for troubled kids. I interacted (with girls mostly) with teens who'd been abandoned, abused, or neglected by their birth-parents or foster parents. It was the parents who'd had and then failed their kids who made me more angry at people, and the parents who'd signed up to care for someone else's kids who made me more angry at the government. The former only affirmed my belief that abortion should remain legal, and contraceptives made more readily available, while the latter supported the idea that people should have to pass some sort of basic competency test and in-depth interview process before being granted the job of becoming a foster parent.
It really doesn't take a genius to raise a child. Just someone who can love selflessly, provide discipline and some level of structure, and food, clothing, and shelter. Because we live in an age of information, there is an abundance of literature on parenting. The research, the evidence behind various approaches to parenting exists--and while there isn't one way to do it right, there are clearly ways to do it wrong. So while there is no handbook for how to raise a kid, there are several guidebooks to help people who take that trip.
If we were to all agree that people needed a license to have a child, who then decides what qualifications must be met in order to pass the test? More importantly, do we allow the government to relegate who is not allowed to have a child? Don't we hate big government telling us what we can and can't do? I keep running into more questions. Just trying to cover as many angles as I can think of! It seems logical to me that unbiased experts in the field of parenting would make up a panel that designed the test for adults applying for their parenting license. Accomplished people from various fields who've helped our understanding of human growth and development evolve. Psychologists, doctors, and of course some veteran parents would be good to include. Once they come up with the test, the public votes on whether or not they approve it. But Kiki, how are they going to control who gets pregnant? If for years it was standards to perform a circumcision on boy babies, surely they can come up now with an implant that temporarily sterilizes us once we hit puberty, and can be removed once we obtain documentation showing we are fit parents. Obviously, this perfect world all exists in the future anyway, so I'm sure we can figure out those details eventually.
The last answer is also an obvious one--a parent remains a parent even after his or her child becomes an adult who is responsible for him or herself. The bond between parent and child is one that hopefully continues to develop and deepen beyond a child's adolescence. Losing a child is one of the most difficult pains to endure and recover from. However, it remains true that a child is part of a family as well as a community. That community is also an important factor in the course of a child's development. While the community might add to the challenges a parent must overcome, it can also aid parents in many ways. Providing daycare, providing quality schools, providing places for young adults to work, and providing public arenas that allow individuals to educate, explore, and express themselves in a variety of constructive ways. It's why people move when they start a family--because they recognize that there is a certain kind of place and vibe that they want to raise their kid in.
Really, what we want from parents is what we want from our country--love, support, encouragement, knowledge and the tools necessary to wander forth once we reach adulthood and stand firmly on our own two feet after fallen and picked ourselves back up. Generations will continue to synthesize the methods that worked for the past into the paradigm shifts that enhance our understanding of what it means to be alive in the present. And there will probably also always be people who hold back our progress, our society.
Speaking of holding back, I think that parenting is not necessarily a task that EVERYONE needs to take on. I realize that there are plenty of folks who want to procreate, but who can't for various biological or genetic reasons. But those people can hopefully find ways to raise children, whether through adoption, surrogate mothers, or some other method. On the other hand, why the obsession with reproduction? Why is it that so many people assume that once they are adults, they will find mates, and they will personally contribute to the creation of the next generation? This is absurd to me, coming from the perspective of a free-willed adult who lives in a world that can barely (or doesn't already) support the population that already exists! Years ago, people lived differently. Farmers, for instance, often had many children because it took a lot of hands to keep a farm running. Catholics popped out babies because they believed God told them to (a separate issue entirely). And in parts of the world where the mortality rate soared, one had more than one child simply to ensure that at least one of them could carry on the family name and bloodline. Many of these reasons simply DO NOT apply to us anymore. Having babies has become a habit engrained in our society. Because abortion and preventative methods are frowned upon by many people, plenty of folks get all worked up when someone suggests curbing our need to populate. Here's my point: In an age when we have deconstructed and rejected many of the traditions we associate with our history, why not also dismiss the assumption that parenthood is part of adulthood since it is no longer a necessity? The arguments tied to perpetuating bloodlines and family names is simply preposterous to me, as they enforce the idea of protecting "me and mine" versus contributing to and participating in a community. With abortion under attack in certain states who shall remain nameless, I fear for women's (couple's) right to decide whether or not to bring another mouth to feed into the world.
Even those of us who don't choose to become parents play a role in shaping the future of our world. We are part of the communities where people raise their kids. And I recognize the importance of improving the educational system, because I recognize the potential that exists for the up and comers to help propel our world away from the traditions and perspectives that do not foster the success and happiness of a nation and of a global community. Unlike the unicorn, parents embody a very real kind of magic, a power of love that manifests in how they approach the responsibility of rearing a new life: they are the first to impact, teach, and foster love and knowledge within a child who will ultimately contribute to the success of our communities. But just because one can become a parent does not mean one should. Just because many of my peers are reproducing does not mean I should. And I don't plan on it. I have never had the desire to have a baby. That might change if I eventually meet someone who's willing to take on that task with me, but even then, I intend to adopt, since as I mentioned a couple times already, there are already plenty of babies, children, and teens the world over who need people to call parents. I wish the assumptions about the role of parenting would come to an end. I wish people who didn't have babies were rewarded or aided like the people who do. I wish pictures of my cats were just as significant as other people's pictures of their kids on Facebook. But the attitude toward parenthood still has some catching up to do with the rest of our postmodern perspectives.
Parenting is one of the most significant jobs on our planet. There are plenty of crappy parents out there, so I've always felt grateful for mine. I had two good people, who embody many of the values I strive to emulate in my own daily life. Since parenting is such a serious responsibility, one of the comments that always comes up with it is why people don't have to get a license to have a child (or two, or six). But with this thought, my brain immediately starts to break down the question, its implications. Why is parenting such an important job? What training do people get, aside from instinct, for the task of caring for the growth and development of a human child? What assurance can we have that anyone will rise to the challenges that parenting presents? How do the roles of parenting change as we age? Is parenting really a job that everyone should take? And since I'm at it, how does abortion figure into planned parenthood? How do people deal with unplanned parenthood?
But first I want to talk a little more about my own parents.
My parents are products of a generation that spent their baby years at the tail end of the fifties, childhoods in the sixties, their adolescence in the seventies, and their adulthood continued into the eighties. As with any generation, there were plenty of examples of how they rebelled against the models presented to them by their parents' social perspectives. The sixties was a time of growth and exploration, a necessary step in our country's history, whose effects bled into every layer of the social structure. The Civil Rights movement not only helped to move forward the collective attitude toward what equality meant, but also forced people to reconsider the principles this country, with all of its opportunities, had to offer them in their pursuits toward happiness.
My parents had the pleasure of enjoying the music, philosophy, media, science, and fashion that boldly defied the reserved conformity popular after the second world war. Nola and Bill understood the importance of intelligence, creativity, and independence. This meant that my, as well as my sisters', education, artistic expression, and autonomy were always nourished. Of course, beneath those things, my parents also knew how important it was to be loved. Their parents, my grandparents, raised their kids in a very different time with very rigid views of how to raise children. There was a shift from autocratic to authoritative--and there were many folks in my parents' generation who adopted the parent-but-friend approach to raising their kids. Regardless, I was lucky to have two parents who knew how to make sure I felt loved. Even during the difficulties they dealt with in their marriage, I never felt like I had done anything to contribute to my parents' divorce. My parents both made it clear to me that happiness was important. Their spiritual beliefs lent to their perspective on what happiness was, though their individual efforts to attain it obviously became more complex once they took on the responsibility of raising three daughters. But they succeeded in as much as producing three smart, talented, and independent young women, who, if you ask anyone, are all pretty awesome people.
Both my parents supported any exposure to the arts. I got to dance, since, play, imagine my little heart out growing up. Some of my first experiences with recording were when I played with the toys at my grandmother's house, and made up songs about whatever I happened to be into at that moment. I remember singing about stars and unicorns. I'm sure it had something to do with Rainbow Brite's influence on me (I had a yellow cassette tape with a bunch of Rainbow Brite songs on it--I still remember a lot of the lyrics). Once I was able to better handle a crayon, I would draw a creature that was a combination of a unicorn and a pegasus. It seemed silly to me that these two things were separate entities. Why wouldn't a magical horse have a horn AND wings?
Now to answer some of my own questions. Why is parenting such an important job? What training do people get, aside from instinct, for the task of caring for the growth and development of a human child? What assurance can we have that anyone will rise to the challenges that parenting presents? How do the roles of parenting change as we age? Is parenting really a job that everyone should take? And since I'm at it, how does abortion figure into planned parenthood? How do people deal with unplanned parenthood?
These answers might seem obvious. But I'm hoping there's some un-obvious stuff that comes out of rambling on about it. Parenting is an important job because it helps to create the next generation, who will eventually be running this country, and ultimately effecting the global community. Imagine how terrifying it must be to be a parent, releasing his or her child into the world. A world with possibilities, dangers, and few guarantees. Have they prepared them? Have they provided them with the ambition necessary to survive? With the skills necessary to care for oneself? Is the kid gonna make it?
I have to take a tangent into the subject of parents who don't rise to the challenge. I know they exist because I worked at a group home for troubled kids. I interacted (with girls mostly) with teens who'd been abandoned, abused, or neglected by their birth-parents or foster parents. It was the parents who'd had and then failed their kids who made me more angry at people, and the parents who'd signed up to care for someone else's kids who made me more angry at the government. The former only affirmed my belief that abortion should remain legal, and contraceptives made more readily available, while the latter supported the idea that people should have to pass some sort of basic competency test and in-depth interview process before being granted the job of becoming a foster parent.
It really doesn't take a genius to raise a child. Just someone who can love selflessly, provide discipline and some level of structure, and food, clothing, and shelter. Because we live in an age of information, there is an abundance of literature on parenting. The research, the evidence behind various approaches to parenting exists--and while there isn't one way to do it right, there are clearly ways to do it wrong. So while there is no handbook for how to raise a kid, there are several guidebooks to help people who take that trip.
If we were to all agree that people needed a license to have a child, who then decides what qualifications must be met in order to pass the test? More importantly, do we allow the government to relegate who is not allowed to have a child? Don't we hate big government telling us what we can and can't do? I keep running into more questions. Just trying to cover as many angles as I can think of! It seems logical to me that unbiased experts in the field of parenting would make up a panel that designed the test for adults applying for their parenting license. Accomplished people from various fields who've helped our understanding of human growth and development evolve. Psychologists, doctors, and of course some veteran parents would be good to include. Once they come up with the test, the public votes on whether or not they approve it. But Kiki, how are they going to control who gets pregnant? If for years it was standards to perform a circumcision on boy babies, surely they can come up now with an implant that temporarily sterilizes us once we hit puberty, and can be removed once we obtain documentation showing we are fit parents. Obviously, this perfect world all exists in the future anyway, so I'm sure we can figure out those details eventually.
The last answer is also an obvious one--a parent remains a parent even after his or her child becomes an adult who is responsible for him or herself. The bond between parent and child is one that hopefully continues to develop and deepen beyond a child's adolescence. Losing a child is one of the most difficult pains to endure and recover from. However, it remains true that a child is part of a family as well as a community. That community is also an important factor in the course of a child's development. While the community might add to the challenges a parent must overcome, it can also aid parents in many ways. Providing daycare, providing quality schools, providing places for young adults to work, and providing public arenas that allow individuals to educate, explore, and express themselves in a variety of constructive ways. It's why people move when they start a family--because they recognize that there is a certain kind of place and vibe that they want to raise their kid in.
Really, what we want from parents is what we want from our country--love, support, encouragement, knowledge and the tools necessary to wander forth once we reach adulthood and stand firmly on our own two feet after fallen and picked ourselves back up. Generations will continue to synthesize the methods that worked for the past into the paradigm shifts that enhance our understanding of what it means to be alive in the present. And there will probably also always be people who hold back our progress, our society.
Speaking of holding back, I think that parenting is not necessarily a task that EVERYONE needs to take on. I realize that there are plenty of folks who want to procreate, but who can't for various biological or genetic reasons. But those people can hopefully find ways to raise children, whether through adoption, surrogate mothers, or some other method. On the other hand, why the obsession with reproduction? Why is it that so many people assume that once they are adults, they will find mates, and they will personally contribute to the creation of the next generation? This is absurd to me, coming from the perspective of a free-willed adult who lives in a world that can barely (or doesn't already) support the population that already exists! Years ago, people lived differently. Farmers, for instance, often had many children because it took a lot of hands to keep a farm running. Catholics popped out babies because they believed God told them to (a separate issue entirely). And in parts of the world where the mortality rate soared, one had more than one child simply to ensure that at least one of them could carry on the family name and bloodline. Many of these reasons simply DO NOT apply to us anymore. Having babies has become a habit engrained in our society. Because abortion and preventative methods are frowned upon by many people, plenty of folks get all worked up when someone suggests curbing our need to populate. Here's my point: In an age when we have deconstructed and rejected many of the traditions we associate with our history, why not also dismiss the assumption that parenthood is part of adulthood since it is no longer a necessity? The arguments tied to perpetuating bloodlines and family names is simply preposterous to me, as they enforce the idea of protecting "me and mine" versus contributing to and participating in a community. With abortion under attack in certain states who shall remain nameless, I fear for women's (couple's) right to decide whether or not to bring another mouth to feed into the world.
Even those of us who don't choose to become parents play a role in shaping the future of our world. We are part of the communities where people raise their kids. And I recognize the importance of improving the educational system, because I recognize the potential that exists for the up and comers to help propel our world away from the traditions and perspectives that do not foster the success and happiness of a nation and of a global community. Unlike the unicorn, parents embody a very real kind of magic, a power of love that manifests in how they approach the responsibility of rearing a new life: they are the first to impact, teach, and foster love and knowledge within a child who will ultimately contribute to the success of our communities. But just because one can become a parent does not mean one should. Just because many of my peers are reproducing does not mean I should. And I don't plan on it. I have never had the desire to have a baby. That might change if I eventually meet someone who's willing to take on that task with me, but even then, I intend to adopt, since as I mentioned a couple times already, there are already plenty of babies, children, and teens the world over who need people to call parents. I wish the assumptions about the role of parenting would come to an end. I wish people who didn't have babies were rewarded or aided like the people who do. I wish pictures of my cats were just as significant as other people's pictures of their kids on Facebook. But the attitude toward parenthood still has some catching up to do with the rest of our postmodern perspectives.
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